Dearest Mothers and all my sweet readers,
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I would like to ask you a question right off the bat
today, can you please send me an email at adwitiempowers@gmail.com regarding
this question or simply hit the comment button.
What is the most pressing thing that you would like to
have resolved right now for you and how do you think I can help you?
Thank you so much for replying.
Today let us address saying NO.
Sometime when we say No to others you are actually saying
yes to yourself! No is one of the most powerful words that we learn because it
is a boundary that we are creating for ourselves and for others to see very
clearly.
I would like to say I am a great friend, but when I was
younger I was a great friend too but did not realize the meaning of saying no, so I also became best friends with resentment!
Kindness, politeness and graciousness were and still are a big part of my life and it is still hard for me to say “no” but I learnt the hard way. This story is simply an example, there are many more :).
Kindness, politeness and graciousness were and still are a big part of my life and it is still hard for me to say “no” but I learnt the hard way. This story is simply an example, there are many more :).
The incident I remember is when I was in Hong Kong and
when it came time to go home to Darjeeling, India my excitement would touch the
sky. I would plan for the vacation a year in advance, cross out the days in the
calendar and start shopping for everyone back home. I had several well meaning friends
who that year decided to send a few presents to their families. Of course I did
not refuse any one of them, although I knew I had to pay excess luggage and
carry/drag/lift all the baggage myself, I could not say “no” because I never
did say no.
In fact I even bought a separate suitcase for the
presents sent by my friends.
The flight schedule was hectic. Hong Kong-Mumbai-Kolkotta-Bagdogra and then a
few hours by car to Darjeeling. The lay over between the next flight from
Mumbai to Kolkata was around seven
hours, not enough time to really get a hotel so most of the times I would spend
the night reading at the airport itself. By the time we reached Kolkata a heady
mix of exhaustion and excitement more lethal that a dozen Mojitos (I gather) would
acutely take over...and by the time I reached Bagdogra which was the last airport
on the way home, I lost one of own luggage but not the one with all my friends’
presents . I was thankful that I was able to keep my end of the commitment
for my friends but also had a quiet resentment eating me away, for I lost my
baggage with my favorite shoes and presents for my loved ones too.
This is a small awakening towards perhaps opening up to
saying no, to have the courage to say “I just cannot do it.”
Next year, I sneaked away home, without letting any of my
friends know. This too did not feel good, because I felt I was deceiving them.
It took me a while to realize that it take GUTS to say
no. Why? Because we fear that we will become unpopular. We fear that they will
stop liking us, so we keep doing even if it means we are getting unpopular with
ourselves.
Saying “no” really is an act of self love. We are actually respecting
our desire and honoring our own feelings. When we say yes when we mean no we
are in fact lying to ourselves that causes many conflicts within and without.
Integrity within ourselves is important to experience, we are so busy trying to
be integral and honorable with other people that we forget to be that for the
most important person in our lives-ourselves.
Make a list of things that you are doing where you would
rather say “yes” to yourself and “no” to that outer façade of being nice and
pretty for others and consider the consequences and the toll it will take on yourself for saying yes to please others.
Here is to you empowering yourself by saying “yes” to you
and “no” to others.
With all my love....
 |
| My hammock in the back yard. Saying YES to me :) |
My name is Adwiti Subba Haffner and I am a Life Coach. I teach moms and anyone else (also via Skype sessions) to make that internal leap from where you are to where you want to be in the external world from achieving your most audacious dreams to finding profound success , fulfillment and inner peace. Check out my testimonials and invest in yourself and let us make that leap forward!!
251-609-1251
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©alivewithadwiti LLC
YES! :) anitha
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